LATE-NIGHT $5 WALMART MASSAGES: A WALK-THROUGH
It’s 2:00 AM and all is quiet at Walmart. At the front of the store is Game Play, a modest room of arcade games.
For a few quarters one can try their hand at winning a prize.
Like these stuffed toys stricken with PTSD.
Two bits gets you candy manufactured during the first Clinton era. (Remember Homies, though?)
Pumbaa laughs eternally in the back.
This was full of cheap candy.
But the real star at Game Play are these chairs.
These are super badass massage chairs.
They massage your head…
…and your back.
And come with complimentary discarded candy wrappers.
Here’s the most unbelievable part: for just $5 you can have a massage for 31 minutes. More than half an hour!
I just so happened to have a fairly crisp, five-dollar bill.
But the chair wouldn’t accept it. After several attempts I realized it was unplugged so I moved to the next one.
And it was glorious!
Within a few minutes I fell into zen mode.
The quiet emptiness of the store was calming.
It was serene.
I have found my Bat Cave, nay my Fortress of Solitude.
Here was another shopper.
I plan on Airbnb-ing this place.
After my massage I decided to leave a treat for the next guest.
Conclusion: the best $5 I’ve ever spent.