T.G.I. FRIDAY’S: TRULY GLORIOUS INDESCRIBABLE FOOD. A CULINARY REVIEW
This T.G.I. Friday’s is located next to the Biltmore House in Asheville, North Carolina, one of America’s most popular tourist attractions. This restaurant will probably never go out of business.
Came here on a Saturday.
Fashionable but had no flair. I miss the flair.
The air smelled stale and putrid but didn’t detract from the cool, classic design of this booth.
The floor tiles make cleaning up vomit a cinch.
Christen graciously agreed to be my date and fellow taste tester.
To commemorate this visit I wore a suit.
In hindsight this was the best dish at this place.
What goes well with nauseating food? Whiskey!
Sign of the economic times.
This is Yahsnnia, a perfect server and shining light of this restaurant. In all seriousness she was cool with our shenanigans and was super friendly.
QR code? I can’t resist such modern technology.
This is where the QR code took me. My password is “donotresuscitate.”
For signing up I got this “Jump the Line” pass and a “Make America Great Again” hat.
The app sampler looked baller…
…but tasted like death. All of the fried food had the same old, rancid oil flavor.
The beef stroganoff gets a bonus for the toaster strudel icing.
This was the Jack Daniel’s glazed ribs and fried shrimp.
The Jack Daniel’s sauce reminded me of human lungs after a lifetime of smoking. It tasted like sickly sweet plastic.
The fried shrimp disintegrated on contact with my mouth. It turned into a sandy texture contrasted by acidic candied sweetness from the sauce. It was one of my worst bites of all time.
I mistakenly ordered an extra half-rack of ribs.
I got the sizzling chicken and shrimp.
This shrimp was not too bad.
Underneath the chicken was a sizzling golem of peppers, onions, and the worst cheese I’ve ever tasted.
I used this cold, boneless chicken bite to wash out my mouth.
As I boxed everything up, my sizzling chicken dish magically turned into a crepe!
How did we keep all of this down? Gin. Lots and lots of gin.
Free dessert. Free coma.
In college I would’ve killed this.
We were going to give the leftovers to someone who might’ve wanted it…
…but decided it would be cruel and unusual.
T.G.I. Friday’s: only if the zombie apocalypse is happening and McDonald’s is closed and gas station sandwiches are sold out.